What worsen appearance anxiety?

 

I am still struggling with appearance anxiety, can't deny, can't lie. I can't do much about it, other than doing something that makes me feel I am doing something ... Lol, sound contradicting?

Basically, doing something will makes you less hopeless - at least you feel that something could be done and there is hope!

Anyways, I have been doing some simple massage on my face and applying facial mask. These are little things I can do without burning a hole in my pocket.

But today, I am not going to talk about the massages or facial masks but what escalate or worsen your anxiety!

Checking yourself out too often

From my personal experience, the fastest and most "easily happen" way is - always checking your appearance - whether in the mirror or in photos.

The funny part about all these physical anxieties is that, you feel you're ugly BUT you just want to kept checking on how ugly you are! It's just weird ... but it will just happen. So the thing is, try to reframe from checking yourself out so often!

Comparison

The other thing has to do with social media + comparison. For example, when you hear about someone praising an idol/someone else for something - like small face, high nose or nice jaw lines, you'll want to check if you have those too!

And then you get into "depressive mode" because you don't have those qualities/features.

But you have to know that, those qualities (or perfect features) may not suits your face! You can go on YouTube or make-up blogs to find out what styles suits you and will bring the best out of you!

Deeper Inferiority

This is somewhat I discovered after digging a little deeper inside, so it may not apply to you. I am so concerned about my looks now is because of my unfulfilled dream and a deep sense of regret.

I often wishes that I would be braver and prettier in my next life. I kinda want to give up on my current life already. No, no, it's not that I want to end it all but I feel it's too late for me to make changes to fulfil my dreams now, so I just let things auto-pilot.

I can be honest here - I have wanted to be a celebrity when I was a kid. (Don't laugh!!) And I told myself that if I grew up to be pretty, I will become a celebrity but things didn't turn out the way I wanted. Doesn't help when I have extremely low self confidence, shy and that I was losing hair at 19!

I was balding at 19!?! Can you imagine that!? Anyways, I am still balding now, it didn't improved at all! I have tried some expensive products, they do help a little but they will probably drain my bank faster than my hair!

Everytime I watch the TV and see all these youngsters with the courage, determination and talent to be on TV, I stabbed myself in the heart secretly out of regrets and hoped that I find that "Reset" or "recarnate" button. Even though deep down, I feel I will drown in the harsh conditions of the entertainment circle (toxic anti-fans and competitions) 

See, I am such a contradicting person, I ... LOL.

Amyways, I can just try to deal with my problems one at a time ... And I don't even know why I am writing this post - I have obviously deviated from the topic ... 

JBL GO 3 Bluetooth Speaker Biased Review

 

I actually didn't want to write a review on this speaker since I have little knowledge about speakers BUT I just feel so disappointed with it's performance that I kinda want to rant about it.

So disclaimer: This is personal opinion and is biased and not professional!

It all started with my mother wanting to look for an easy to carry speaker which she could use during her practice. She is part of a dancing interest group which will occasionally gets invited to perform for small local celebrations. 

Often, they'll have to practice on their own because if they want to practice as a large group, they'll need to get approval or book some places for a small fee. If they keep it small, they can just practice in the void deck or any empty spaces they can find as long as they don't affect others.

Anyways, I got her a JBL Go 3 after reading some reviews online + a simple chat with the seller.

Ok, fine, I admit that my research wasn't thorough enough as I was rushing to get one during the sales. Because if I did research slightly more, I'd come across a review that gave this speaker only 6ish/10.

Well, honestly, even thought I am disappointed with the GO 3, it still have its pros. The GO 3 has a very attractive physical appearance and I absolutely love the colour options. It's also very small and light (just about 0.209kg). It can fit into most bags unless you're talking about those branded bags that can hardly fit an iPhone. Honestly, what's the purpose of those bags??

But do take note that it's lightweight is also it's weakness because it moves around when the bass gets boomy. So if you place it at close enough to the edge of the table, it won't hesitate to commit suicide!

Another thing I feel OK-ish about the GO 3 is that the bass is obviously amplified and clarified when compare to just using the iPhone speakers. (I am comparing to the iPhone 13 pro max). The higher notes are clearer and somehow forward enough for me in most cases. 

However, I feel it can get a little too bassy at times. I have watched a short video clip of a performance with the speaker and I feel the conversations are very clear, but if there are anything in the lower register, with low drums/beats, things gets muffled and drown by the drums.  

The buttons on the speaker are also well placed and you can easily pause the music with a press of button. The same goes with volume up and down. Connection is as easy as ABC too.

The problem I have with the GO 3 is it's volume. I think it's not that much louder than the default iPhone speakers. I don't think it will be loud enough for a small group of 3-4 in an open area. If it's an enclosed area, probably yes. 

However, I must admit that there is zero distortion even at full volume. 

I did not bother to do a waterproof test but it can survive toppling on top of a puddle of water left by a cup of McDonald's coke.

Overall, I kinda regret getting the JBL GO 3 speaker. It's not a bad speaker, but it definitely doesn't suit my need of a loud Bluetooth speaker.

Let's talk about appearance anxiety!

 

I have appearance anxiety, not gonna lie. 

It started when I was in primary school when my teacher suddenly mentioned that she don't understand why I am sitting at the back of the class. Because, my eyes are so small, she couldn't tell if they're open or not! So she thought that I am always sleeping in class!

Yeah, very kind of her.

As I grew older, I kind of developed this inferiority for my looks because I realised that my eyes wouldn't get bigger as I grow, but my face will... so my eye will only just appear smaller year by year ...

And ... I do hope to be seen, like I have some need for attention, for praises and ... IDK. Anyways, it just suck, because it's an eternal torment --> it's just like having fire meet water in your mind all the time. Knowing that you're ugly but you have this desire to be seen ... 

It doesn't help when the people around you will start to remind you of how ugly you're or they just feel more confident taking photos with you. Admit it, we're all shallow at that age ... we all secretly feel we are better than someone else in some ways ... 

The sad thing is, appearance anxiety still hits me, on and off even now. And I often wonder why. Is it because of the media (those Kpop/Cpop stars)? Is it because I just long to be recognised for something good? (Well, I obviously doesn't have an outstanding talent or skill nor am I kind, funny or helpful)

At my peak, I was obsessed with my weight. Well, you see, I am not pretty, not tall, not curvy, the only think considered "good" about my physical appearance is my slim built. I am lucky to have really small bone structure so I can be "Kpop star thin" (but I am not). So I hold on very dearly to that.

I am not anorexia or anything, instead, I was eating whatever I wish, WHILE having anxiety about my weight ... sometime, I don't understand why am I like this.

I realised this happens too for make up and camera filters. I don't like to put on make up and I don't really use camera filter. I just don't take or share my photos on social media altogether.

Why?

Because I am afraid. I am afraid of facing the drastic differences once I had them removed. Yes, we all will look slightly better with make up on and A LOT better with camera filters (Yeah, I can get big, shiny eyes I wished for).

But once you turned those off, reality hits hard! I honestly doesn't like having to face that disappointment. I know it sound like I am a difficult person - "Give you solution also don't want to accept!" But I have deal with such disappointment before and it's kinda hard for me.

Recently, I thought hard about it, why am I so afraid to be ugly? I mean pretty people are far lesser than average or ugly people, I am the majority ...

I realised it COULD BE (MAYBE) linked with competitiveness. We all know prettier people have an edge over the less good looking ones. I know many people will try to challenge me on this but there are social experiments and surveys that proved this point. I also have personal experiences whereby my boss admitted that he will consider a prettier person over an average looking people if they have the same qualification.

It translates to "if you're uglier, you have to work harder to make your qualifications better". IDK, that's what I think.